Asshole

The way I see it

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 07:30:52 GMT

To me, hugs and kisses, snuggling with you, taking you out on a date,talking with you, and even fucking you are privileges. They are not rights, and whether or not you get these things will always be up to me. (When they are given by me that is.) On the one hand I know you need these things to help you get better, but on the other hand I am not going to reward you for non-progress. It would be like me giving my son a pizza party at pietros, (this is his reward for keeping his room clean) when he made no attempt to clean his room. I HAVE to see something. The longer this goes without any apparent change, the less I want to be around you. Your little guilt trips will not work, and nobody but you have shown up at the pity parties that you continue to throw. These are tactics used to manipulate people. I'm not interested in being manipulated. I love you, I really do, but you need to pull your head out of your ass. THINK OF SOMEONE ELSE FOR A CHANGE. I am getting jaded about wasting my energy. I say waste because the purpose of using energy is to create motion, and you have not used the energy to let yourself grow. I am not going to do this forever. To loosely quote someone I love with all of my heart. "Feeding a plant that won't grow is one of the best (maybe worst is the right word) ways to waste time, food, and energy. Please please show me something. I have been specific and haven't seen a glimmer of hope yet. I need that glimmer.

Pet

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 04:37:32 GMT

I don't like to do this like this, but I am going to make an exception this time. I like to talk with my mouth, to say what I am feeling so that it is personal, and not some blog post or text message or email or whatever else. I am making an exception this time because I think it will be good to have this here, in writing, to look upon whenever you think you've forgotten something. Or just to refresh your mind on how I feel, because this will never change. You asked me for help, almost pleaded with me for help. You know that you are fucked up. You know something isn't right, you know you can't handle it alone. I agreed to help you, to make it more right. I enjoy projects like this, I like to solve the rubix cube that is the mind of someone lost. I am a strange man, I am very patient and kind, but at the same time I can cut like a knife if I feel manipulated or misled, and I watch closely to keep tabs on what is happening because I have been taken advantage of many times and have learned many lessons. Do not take my kindness for weakness. I am not weak. When I offer my help it is always out of love. There isn't a whole lot that I ask for. I ask for trust, and I require willingness to work. Eagerness to try. I never expect everything to go right. I expect mistakes. Nobody can do every little thing right, including me. I make mistakes, and will continue to make them. I try to learn as much as I can from my mistakes and do everything I can to not repeat them. I try to set a good example, and not be a hypocrite. I try to communicate what I am doing and why. With that being said I am going to communicate what I am doing and why right now. You are selfish, very selfish. A little bit of selfishness is good, and I encourage it, in moderation. When everything that goes through your mind is relative to wanting something for yourself it is unhealthy. For you and for everyone you love. It makes them feel like you put yourself over them. That they cherish you more than you cherish them. It causes resentment. You've been telling me that you want that closeness, that closeness you see between her and I. You covet it, but if you can't change your whole outlook on life you will never ever get it. Not from her, or me, or anyone. You can't get what we have by focusing on yourself, it just doesn't happen. She is my slave, and wears my collar, not because she will do what I tell her (though she will.) It is because I know that above all else in her mind and in her heart and in her soul, is me. Sometimes we have our problems but that remains true. Whenever she does anything she always considers how it will affect me, and acts accordingly to make me happy. A lot of people don't understand this next part, but oh well. Even though I am her Master, and am in control, I don't just do what I want because I want to and I know she will go along with it. Every decision I make, I have her feelings in mind. Part of out relationship that is very important is that I don't abuse the control I have of her. I don't take the trust that she has placed in me and take advantage of it because that would poison the beautiful thing that we have. The closeness that her and I have built is the epitome of unselfishness. We put the other above ourselves, and we make it into what you see and so covet. So when you asked me for help I analyzed the situation, and I concluded that your selfishness is what is keeping you from having what you want. I have pointed out some small things that you can do to start down the path of changing your behavior. It isn't something that happens fast, but you have to start somewhere, and starting small is where I began. The things I asked you to do were fairly simple, to put someone else above yourself. To take what you wanted and put it on the shelf and do a few things to let us know that what we want and need is important to you. You have taken every opprotunity that presented itself to get out of doing these things. You treat it like it is bothersome to you to do things like this for us. Every explanation you give to me has something to do with you. I haven't heard you mention anyone but yourself until I point out that you are disregarding everyones feelings but your own until I call you on it, and then you apologize. The specific instances don't really bother me as much as I am making it seem. You have said you are sorry, and I forgive you for each thing that has happened. The reason I am harping on these things the way I am is because each one of them makes me think that you aren't trying. I know you want to try. I know you don't know what to do, but when I tell you what to do because you asked me to and you don't do it and then argue with me about it when I bring it to your attention it makes me not want to help. It is hard to help someone who does that to you. I keep telling you to show me something, and you keep telling me that you will, but this is what I mean. It seems like not a big deal to you but it is huge to me. If you can't start somewhere, you will never finish. So I have changed the way I am handling these things. If you do something I have told you not to do I won't encourage you. I won't tell you that I know you can do it and I will help you. That has gotten me nowhere, and it seems like you like the attention that messing up brings you. So now if you do something I have asked you not to do I will tell you what it is, and then you're cut off from me until I feel like you understand. I don't like to ignore you. I enjoy your company, and I like talking with you. So far this seems like the only way to get through to you, so if that's what I have to do I will do it. If you don't like it, do something about it.

Ahh, the songs that give me chills.

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 02:00:25 GMT

Imma put my best foot forward on This night, put a couple of hands of grease in my hair an in my eyebrows and now I'm tight. I wanna be with a woman and just this one, but the taste of blood is still on my tongue. If I could just eat food instead of her D boobs, I want this one alive when the morning comes... "I just want to be a normal boy,Just wanna be a normal boy. If I only could just, keep the women off my tongue, then she can be my number one, lady. I just want to be a normal boy,Just wanna be a normal boy. If I only could just keep the women off my tongue, then she can be my number one, lady." Oh please, oh please, oh please Just give me just one more clit, one more tit, one more bitch. What does I gotta do to get me fixed? Cause I gotta have this one in my mix. She's so beautiful I would slit both my wrists if she split when she finds out that I'm so sick. I eat women. I really eat women. They're really delicious. I gotta be knowin so I can make her the Mrs. I gotta date with her so I can tell her my wishes, Even though I'm a beast but she don't know that I'm vicious. So I meet her at her place and she's so sweet. Made me dinner but really want her meat From her cheek, Maybe her feet. I'm tring to be discrete, but I really want to eat her out completely. Teach me, to keep it away from her, the eating and tape on her, the chewing away fingers. Once she feeds me I'm lovin me tasting her. Can I just have a normal night? I just want to be the man to live normal life normal wife keep her in the formal white, but the psycho creature with the horn will bite. It's almost sun up now. I'm getting done up, wow. Fellatio. But I found out she was insatiable. She wanted me to do her too, don't want to see me through her view, Cause I got on my knees, started doin my deed, But then I accidentally chewed her through "I just want to be a normal boy,Just wanna be a normal boy. If I only could just, keep the women off my tongue, then she can be my number one, lady. I just want to be a normal boy,Just wanna be a normal boy. If I only could just keep the women off my tongue, then she can be my number one, lady." Tech N9ne "Pinnochio" K.O.D. (King Of Darkness) 2009

Strength

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 07:37:10 GMT

I've come to the realization that I need to have more strength than I thought I did when it comes to some things. When it comes to matters of the heart, I have to be strong enough to comfort my girls when something is wrong with them. When they have some kind of problem with something that has happened. I have known this particular thing for years (since before I knew either of the aforementioned girls), but this next one is fairly new. I've also concluded that I have to be strong enough to comfort them when something is wrong with me. When I have some kind of problem with something that has happened. When I get upset it makes them upset, and the reason for that is fairly simple. Their disposition is directly linked to mine. If I'm upset it makes everything tense, and if I go away, (emotionally not physically) it is worse than tense that happens. I have come to find this increasingly stressful. There are many reasons for the stress. I find myself wondering if I am over reacting. I wonder if what I am doing is based on insecurity and not on the actual circumstances of what is happening. At the same time the more I sit and wonder, the more gone I become and the cycle continues until it eventually ends. A lot of times when things mellow out I ask myself if the same thing happened again could I recognize it for what it was at the time it was happening in time to avert what happens next. It's a question that I don't know the answer to. There are many things that have changed in me. So much more that was inside me is now out. It seems that every time something negative happens there is a lesson learned and progress made. I don't feel like I am doing the same thing over and over and wondering why nothing has changed. Things have changed for the positive and will continue to do so. The problem I run into with this is I don't want to supress my emotions. There was a point in my life that I couldn't get my emotions out of me, and I am scared to death that if I hold them in at some point they will be stuck there again. I won't let that happen. I will work through every little thing as openly as I can, because the more open I have been the smoother everything has gone. I don't know why I posted this. Sometimes it takes seeing my thoughts in writing and looking at them from a distance helps me understand them more, and judging from the way I feel right now I'd say it did so in this instance as well.

Breaking News

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 23:06:11 GMT

According to a study at North Carolina State University, women who perform the act of fellatio and swallow semen on a regular basis, one to two times a week, reduce their risk of breast cancer by up to forty percent. -Associated Press and CNN.com-

Rain

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 23:03:21 GMT

Some people feel the rain, others just get wet.

I love the government

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 23:28:24 GMT

This is a little old, but I had to comment on it= US embassy in Afghanistan, food service employees are said to have pictures posted online of them eating potato chips out of each other's butts. Having simulated anal intercourse on the job, and generally acting totally cool! Hope they give them a raise!!

Thoughts for me to remember

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 06:02:18 GMT

It isn't necessarily what I say, it is how and when I say it. I can say "you did this" or "you didn't do this" and it invokes a negative reaction. It breeds defensiveness. When I use the same subject and phrase it differently. "next time can we do this" or "I need you to do this" it draws the opposite reaction. No defensiveness, just calm and understanding. Willingness to change and make the situation better for me, because in every case I am the only one who sees flaws in what has happened. I'm the only one who knows, so naturally I am the only one responsible for making things come out differently in the future.

Quote for today

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 20:53:02 GMT

"Money won't buy happiness, but it'll buy the kind of misery you prefer"

Caning and execution

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 00:32:40 GMT

Georgia lawmakers call for the caning and execution of marijuana offenders. Representative Tommy Benton from Georgia "I am opposed to the legalization of marijuana. I think we should go to caning for people caught using it, and maybe execute dealers. It works in Singapore." Does anyone who tries to rationalize things that work in Singapore realize that Singapore is a facist state? Is that what you want? But, on the flipside, a good caning is nice from time to time.